Registry

“Putting the registry on the Web site saves you from putting registry information on the invitation and makes it a lot less tacky,” says Liset.

Winnika agrees: “Technically, you shouldn’t put registry information on the invitation, so instead you can direct guests to your Web site and give access to the registry there. That way, it’s not like you’re asking for a gift, because the site also offers information on accommodations, activities, etc.”

Winnika and Liset have Miss Manners on their side on this one. “You should not insert the registry card in the invitation,” she writes in her book on wedding etiquette in the section titled “Wedding Registry and Cash Gifts.” “Better to put up an online registry and tell your guests, through your wedding invitation, that a registry is currently online for those who wish to give the couple gifts under the couple’s wish lists.”

Planning and booking

“Ninety-nine percent of my clients use the Internet to plan everything from venue research to florists to photographers,” says Connie Clark, senior wedding director from The Perfect Plan in Forestdale. “I can send a California bride to a photographer’s Web site and she’ll book him without even meeting him.”

Liset isn’t so sure that computerized research is always the best choice. While the Internet can be a big help for those planning a destination or long-distance wedding, she believes that in some instances seeing a place or meeting someone in person is a better option.

“I’ve had online bookings be a disaster with locations,” says Liset. “Brides will go, ‘Oh God! On the Web site, it looked so nice but I didn’t know that next door was a car dealership!’”

Harwich bride-to-be Kristen Carbone says the best planning resource she’s found on the Web so far is the bride chat forums local to Cape Cod.

“At theknot.com they do a community chat, which I’ve used endlessly. You see girls that have really cute ideas, or brides after they’re married are giving away stuff. I got a lobster trap card-holder that I think I’m probably third generation getting it,” she says with a laugh. “And I’m sure I’ll post it for someone else afterward.”

While the Internet has been great for planning and booking research, Carbone agrees with Liset that booking certain things online can be a disaster.

“Web sites tend to show only the beautiful parts of a venue property during the best season,” says Carbone. “We made sure to go to the site in the month we are getting married, and to see what it looked like on a rainy day.”

The take-home message: Consider the details and logistics before you book. A cake might look pretty, but does it taste good? Choosing a photographer based on online photographs is a no-brainer, though; you’ve already seen the product.

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Navigating wedding etiquette has always been tricky, but how does technology alter what has long been one of the most tradition-bound days of many couples’ lives?

Brides and grooms can use computer communication for several aspects of the big day, including e-mail invitations, access to driving directions and wedding registries and even full wedding Web sites. But what is most appropriate, helpful to guests, and easy to use?

When we asked brides, wedding planners and Web hosts that question, we learned the answer depends on the task at hand. Here are their tips for following wedding etiquette in the age of the Internet.

Web sites

The use of wedding Web sites has risen dramatically in recent years. With particular growth in just the past year, “we’re starting to see it hit the mainstream,” says John Scrofano, chief operating officer of wedding Web site provider nearlyweds.com. He cites the addition of wedding Web sites to bridal magazine checklists as evidence of this shift, but adds that creating one should be “something fun” rather than a requirement.

For brides and grooms who grew up in the digital age, that’s not likely to be a problem.

The Web sites offer a place to post pictures, directions, profiles of the bride and groom, registry information, accommodations listings, and more — all in a bloglike format.

“As generations of couples move through life, more and more have been exposed to the Internet since the very beginning,” explains Anja Winikka, an editor at wedding Web site provider theknot.com. “This is a logical way for them to pass on information to their guests.”

While most wedding Web sites are free, some require a one-year subscription fee, generally between $50 and $100.

E-mail

E-mail invites are an etiquette no-no, according to wedding planner Allison Liset of Elegant Engagements in Sandwich. “The formal invitation should always go out in paper,” she says, “but for guests who don’t get their RSVP card in on time, you can send a quick e-mail to follow up.”

E-mail follow-ups still allow guests to respond in writing, Liset explains, which can be more comfortable than a phone call if they need to decline, and offers a faster response than a mail query.

In fact, asking guests to RSVP via e-mail from the start is becoming increasingly popular. While traditionalists still say a formal RSVP card should be included in the invitation, many young couples are choosing instead to simply provide their e-mail addresses when asking for a response.

“We had guests RSVP to the wedding on a traditional card,” says recent bride Jessica Dalby of Wellfleet, “but because there were so many other events, like a barbecue and a whale watch, we put the RSVP for those on our Web site. It was really helpful, because it made the paper RSVP much less complicated.”

Winikka sees this combination practice as a good middle ground, environmentally and economically. “I don’t see e-mail replacing formal invitations, but it can really help cut down on inserts, which budget- and paper-wise is great.”

As the bride and groom emerge from the church or register office, it is traditional for guests to throw confetti over them. Originally, people threw rice, to represent fertility. For a long time, in this country, paper confetti was used but these days this is discouraged because it makes a mess and is non biodegradable. However, the answer to this is to get (or ask a bridesmaid or the best man to get) some organic confetti.

Confusingly, what in English we call confetti is what in Italian is called coriandoli. What Italians call confetti are sugared almonds that in Italy are given out as wedding favors.

These sugared almonds are traditional wedding favors in the UK as well. Five are given to each guest, to represent health, wealth, happiness, long life and fertility. These days, wedding favors may consist of any type of small gift, given out as a ”thank you‘ to those attending the wedding.

The bride throws her bouquet into the crowd and all the single women vie with each other to catch it. According to superstition, the girl who catches it will be the next one to marry.

A nice tradition (though a tiring one for those involved!) is the receiving line. The bride and groom, their parents and, optionally, the bridesmaid and the best man stand in line and greet all the guests as they file into the room where the wedding breakfast is to be held.

The cake is a central part of the breakfast ceremony. It is traditionally in three tiers, the top one of which the couple keep and eat on their first anniversary. (If you plan to do this, do tell your cake-maker in advance.) The bride cuts the first slice of cake, with the help of the groom, and a piece is given to every guest. It is also traditional to save a piece for anyone who was unable to be with you on the day, so that they may share in the good luck.

In terms of speeches, the rules are being bent, broken and abandoned left and right. These days, for example, many brides are choosing to get involved and make a speech. According to tradition, however, this is what happens:

• The bride‘s father speaks first, welcoming the guests and thanking them for coming, as well as saying a bit about the bride and the groom. He then proposes a toast to the happy couple.
• The bridegroom replies, speaking both for himself and for his new wife. He thanks the parents and toasts the bridesmaids.
• The best man thanks the bridesmaids, tells funny stories about the groom and concludes by toasting the parents. If there are any messages from well-wishers unable to attend the wedding, the best man reads them out as part of his speech.

When the time comes for dancing, the bride and groom take the floor, before anyone else joins them, for the traditional ”first dance‘.

John’s cousin, Grace, is getting married in Liverpool, UK and he lives in Glasgow, UK. He does not really want to attend the wedding, weddings and such are just not his idea of a fun Saturday. He has already spent time and attended all the functions and parties over the last month that family and friends have had to congratulate her and he wants this weekend for himself.

The big problem is that he has a planned fishing trip with the guys on the same weekend as his cousin’s wedding. He has never missed this fishing trip in the last ten years and he doesn’t want to start now.

He decides to head to the internet and see if he can come up with any good ideas to ditch this wedding and still save face. He begins to look for UK online florists that will deliver flowers from Glasgow, UK to Liverpool, UK.

Wow, there are florist that can deliver some nice flower arraignments and bouquets. There were so many choices from bouquets, plants, gifts sets, and even a way of creating your own unique flowers and style.

There were many wonderful choices to consider such as the Classic Charm Basket which is a nice basket filled with scented Freesia, Alstroemeria, Carnations and Chrysanthemums, Timeless Tradition Wrap which is an elegant display of a mix of Carnations, Chrysanthemums, Alstroemeria and Asiatic Lilies, and the Hot Tropical Hand-tied with a mix of tropical flowers and Sunflowers.

He even searched through the gift sets that he could have delivered from Glasgow, UK to Liverpool, UK and he found some very unique ideas such as the Sunbeam Chocolate Surprise which is created with beautiful summer flowers and delightful Maison Fougère chocolates and the Summer Punch & Bubbly Gift Set which uses summer flowers and Veuve Ricotteau Brut which would be perfect for the bride and groom.

He could even choose and create his own flower arraignments and then add balloons, chocolates, or champagne. Now, to decide what would be best. He wanted to send his cousin something nice that she would enjoy and make missing her wedding smooth over easily.

Her favorite flowers had always been tropical and her honeymoon was planned for Aruba, so he chose the Hot Tropical Hand Tied, but he also chose chocolates and champagne. Ordering the flowers and gifts were a breeze, he placed his order online with the UK floral shop and the flower arraignments and gifts were delivered in plenty of time for Grace to enjoy them before the wedding ceremony.

Grace was happy with the flowers and John was happy on the lake fishing with the guys all because of the online UK florist.

by: Natalie Aranda

These days, etiquette is nothing like as strictly adhered-to as it used to be and there is quite a bit of scope for you to make the proceedings your own. However, for reference, below is an outline of the main rituals of a traditional wedding and reception. You can decide whether you want to do what is traditional, miss something out or adapt it to suit yourselves and your style.

Traditionally, the bride arrives at the church with her father. She walks down the aisle on his arm and he —gives her away“ to her new husband. The bride and groom exchange wedding bands, rings that symbolize the eternal nature of their love and commitment. It is the best man‘s responsibility to make sure these rings are in the right place at the right time. These days, more and more husbands are choosing to keep their rings on permanently.